(Almost) Love Story

It happens time and time again.

Live. Love. Let Go.

Charlie St. Cloud.
Teaches you, to live, you need to let go of some things you hold most dear.
Or.

You just can't have it both ways.

One day.

Worlds I have only dreamed of visiting.

Nice, France.
Florence, Italy.

Nepal.

Greece.

Egypt.

Austria, Josh wants to go there.

Venice, I want to go there.

I can't wait to conquer the world.

 

The Sailor from Gibraltar.

Current digest :

"Yes, you need the litte things," he said. "But in life, just being contented isn't enough. Now and again you need something more, don't you?"

"What?"

"Happiness. That's what loves for isn't it?"

"I don't know."

Let your hair down.

I've always wondered how my cousin manages her journeys across far distances on her own. Doesn't she grow bored and lonely? Scared even, at the thought of having no one to help at hand. It all sounds very poetic and liberating to pack up your things, get in the car, and go where the road takes you. But when she tells me she has driven to the bushlands and taken refuge in her car not one, but two nights alone, I've been a little concerned. I guess I would have to experience that freedom myself to understand how she could muster up the courage to do that.
I went for a drive with Josh before, and I couldn't stop driving. At this very moment, the summer breeze is whipping around like violent waves in the sea. It feels so nice. We drove out to grab some refreshing slurpees and I decided to take the extra, extra, extra long way home. Plenty of block rounders and u-turns to extend my drive. But it was the drive home after I dropped Josh off at home that something kicked in.
I had all of my windows wound down, letting the wind whip against my face and all up in my hair. I had Eagle Eye Cherry's Save Tonight playing at a high volume and was singing my heart out to it. I felt so free spirited and was tempted with thoughts of driving off to Angelsea instead of coming home, instead of coming back to go to work in the morning. So tempting.
My longing for a roadtrip is now stronger than ever.

The Naked & Famous - Young Blood

We're only young and naive still
We require certain skills
The mood it changes like the wind
Hard to control when it begins

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Can't help myself but count the flaws
Claw my way out through these walls
One temporary escape
Feel it start to permeate

We lie beneath the stars at night
Our hands gripping each other tight
You keep my secrets hope to die
Promises, swear them to the sky

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

As it withers
Brittle it shakes
Can you whisper
As it crumbles and breaks
As you shiver
Count up all your mistakes
Pair of forgivers
Let go before it's too late
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper
Can you whisper

The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
The bittersweet between my teeth
Trying to find the in-betweens
Fall back in love eventually
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Dear K,

Lots of Love, P.

Exhausted.

I always get to a point when I'm just tired of trying. I want to give up, not because it isn't worth it or wasn't but simply just because I have no strength to endure anymore disappointments. I have my fair share of closeted disappointments already -I don't need to add any more. But how do i give up. How do i just stop. And do I really want to. I don't want any regrets or feeL guilty when I look back - The past would be such an unpleasant place to visit if it were full of regrets - I havent been able to figure any of these questions that have been throbbing in my mind for .. who knows. But my fucking brain is on the verge of being fried. Set myself a date, deadline and by then .. by then I still will be hoping and trying pathetically. Because as much as I want to grow some balls, I am a sucker for second, third, fourth .. chances. Lets just say I'm extremely persistent then, in the best way too of course.

You rock my world.

Happy 20 months Baby.

I wish I was brave.

I spend so much time dreaming. Or pretending everything is a dream, wishing how things could be instead of confronting and facing or accepting what is right in front of me. I watch movies and see the hero characters stepping up to harsh realities and wish so badly & desperately that I could do the same in my everyday battles of petty problems. There are days where I get up and miraculously motivate myself to get out of bed and face the day, but when it's a day where I am intimidated by the possibility of failure, I cower under my sheets and slowly and patheticly make an attempt to be productive. I want to be able to deal with eveyrthing head on, with confidence - NO FEAR. I need something real to inspire me. Not magazines, or videos or youtube clips. Real inspiration. I don't remember the last time I was truly inspired.

I wish I was more independant.
I want to be stronger.
I need to be braver.

Teenage Dream.

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

This is Bliss.

You make me smile like the sun,
fall out of bed
Sing like bird,
dizzy in my head
Spin like a record,
crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool,
forget how to breathe
Shine like gold,
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you
can drive me wild.

Oh, you make me smile

Playing With Paper.

Grill'd my Cravings.

Watching Masterchef lately has made me crave for pasta. Finally got to indulge in some at La Porchetta. As you can see, I got a little excited with my vegetarian ravioli. I don't usually eat pasta with mushroom sauce or carbonara but I love it with Joshs gnocchi.





























Went and got some Grill'd after my premlimnary presentaitons Tuesday. MMMM, loving the Summer Sunset. Tried the Tuscan Delight, not so great.

Twenty.

Joshs 20th at Hallah & Crown.

That time of the year.

Tan 'leather' jacket mum bought for me on bridge roaf for $39.
Over-sized knit for $8 from Savers.
Sunflower knitted cardi $4 from Salvos.



























































Over my many mad splurges at Diva, this is me cutting down. Love this time of the year though, despite my dresser overflooding with accessories I can never get enough. And I think its me expressing my desperate need to shop, like really shop.

2 x set of bangles
3 X necklaces
3 x rings

= :) ... (Orginal Price $172)

Oh passion, where art thou?

I've been so lost lately. I'm always lost, but this time it's in regards to my passion and future in design. I am in my third year at RMIT undertaking a bachelor of design in Interior Design. In year 12, it's not what I wanted, but somehow my initial desire to be an architect, at present doesn't seem to be a good idea anyway. I loved and would like to think that I was fairly talented in graphic design and photography. At least my passion for it burned very brightly. I don't recall being very excited with my architectural assignments I did in visual & communication classes. Only the graphic components.

The past few years I've found it really hard to motivate myself to do work. I'd love to be an architect and an interior designer. The title no doubt sounds grand, and being equipped with the skills and knowledge in this discipline of design would indeed be verrrry verryyy, very awesome. I come across a range of interior and architectural works and everytime, I would burn with inspiration. But not motivation. I get excited about it. But when it comes to uni, I can never bring enough to the table. I am always missing some element in the process or whatever.

It seems though, just the past 2 weeks, I've made a turn. From doing very badly in my midsemester presentation, my tutors Jhana and Rosie have said that I'm much more enthusiastic, showing a lot of excitement, producing great ideas and am speaking confidently for the first time about my work. They're excited to see my end project. So you can imagine how awesome I felt, or am feeling. So yes, I have miraculously found the smallest ounce of motivation and put some effort into working hard. Not long left to go.

Tmrw : One presentation down
Friday: Handing in of the second presentation
Monday: Second presentation down
Tuesday: Preliminary presentation down
June 11th : Final presentation .. (Folios on the 18th of June)

Hectic ..

.. Is the the almost perfect way to describe the state of everything at the moment. This coming week is the last week of class for uni, and then for most uni-goers swotvac weeks begins, counting down towards midyear exams. For those design students like myself, its cramming as much tutorials and working towards preliminary presentations, final hand-ins and minor presentations, AND THEN pulling our best efforts together for the final presention. After that, its pretty much exhibtion and the handing in of the semesters portfoilo, easily done.
I've got so much to do, yet the number of things swimming around madly in my mind would resemble some sort of a massive traffic conjestion. At least after this week, it will be two less classes to worry about - sort of.



I can't wait for it to slow down, for it to stop.
I can't wait for freedom to hit.
I can't wait to get away.

Progress

It takes one bad or crap thing to lose sight of the good things in life. Well for me it does. Once that streak of lovely events comes to a sudden halt, I dive into a repetitive state of pessimism and negativity. Not because its easier than confronting everything, but just because I do. I am with great shame, weak. However, I can proudly say that the duration of these morbid periods are becoming shorter and shorter. That is progress right? Whats that quote or saying .. Some progress is better than none at all. - Or somethings, are better than nothing.
Apart from the shittiness recently, I'm rediscovering my long lost passion for design (touch wood - lets see how long this lasts) and I'm doing better in uni. On friday I had my best tutorial all semester. Maybe I can aim high this time and for once I actually believe that it is possible for me to achieve that.

Today was awesome :)